Peyton continued to listen as Quinn spoke her heart racing in her chest. She didn’t want this. She didn’t want to be in any of this position. All she wanted to do was finish high school in two years, marry Damen in the future, have kids then, and become a designer. That was her plan. That had always been her plan. This baby inside her right now, it was not part of the plan. It was messing up her plan. It was driving her crazy and that wasn’t okay. She wanted this over, wanted it gone but she knew how horrible she would be for that.
Peyton also looked down at her stomach the minute Quinn did, her eyes scanning over her flat stomach. Even while sitting down her stomach still looked minuscule, as though it wasn’t holding a baby in there. Most of the time Peyton prayed it wasn’t. “Probably?” she repeated not liking that. Her father had always expected all his kids to be perfect, that was the St. James motto. You sang and or you were picture perfect. Peyton was Daddy’s Little girl to top it off, her father would not be okay with this. Peyton nodded, liking the sound of having Quinn around with her. “Thank you,” she leaned over and hugged the adult. “You have no idea what it means to me, having you help me through this,” she spoke not letting go of the blonde.
Quinn licked her lips and nodded once more. “I mean, I honestly don’t know what Jesse’s reaction is going to be like so I can’t give you false hopes or make you feel depressed. I’m kind of sure he wouldn’t kick you out like my father did but he probably won’t like the idea too, at first.” She sighed deeply, remembering the day when Finn sang her “You’re Having My Baby” in front of her parents and how her father was about to shoot him. She couldn’t help herself but a soft smile appeared on her face as she remembered the memory. Well, Damen wouldn’t do that to Peyton, hopefully. Maybe the best for him was not to be around while Peyton’s talking to her father. “Do you want Damen to be with you while you’re talking to your father? Finn was with me and it made me feel a bit better but I’m sure it kind of sucked for him. Such a pressure.”
She smiled and hugged her back. “I know what it makes you feel like but don’t worry. I will help you through these. Though I don’t want you to feel like I’m putting a pressure on you. You are free to do whatever you want, I mean this is your body at the end of the day.” After a while, she pulled herself back to look at Peyton. “You know what? Someday, it’s all going to be okay. I promise. I used to want to punch people when they told me this back then because I just wanted the baby to disappear. I just wanted things to go back to normal. Just one mistake and all my life was falling apart. I was wrong. I still consider Beth as the best thing that has ever happened to me with my other five children. So one day, everything is going to be okay and you are going to be happy. You are going to make the right desicions for your baby.”
Peyton kept zooning in and out as she listened to Quinn speak. She kept repeating the same thing over and over. How it all came down to Damen’s reaction. To Damen. All to Damen. She’d been expecting this. Mentally preparing herself for Damen to hate her or to support her. Possibly treat her the way Puck had to Quinn when they were in high school. However, how many kids responded that well when they knocked up a girl? Of course, in this case, the girl happened to be his own girlfriend and they were supposedly in love. Sixteen and in love. The more Peyton looked at Quinn the more she believed it, after all, Quinn had dated her husband at sixteen.
Peyton looked down at her hands as Quinn continued to speak. Her words were strikingly almost impossible to grasp. The fact that Quinn hadn’t been Beth’s mother, Peyton could see why. She could see it clearly but she didn’t want to. Her hands instantly moved to her stomach in a motherly way. Though still flat, the child inside her was growing and if she choose to give it up she would never be it’s mother. She looked up at Quinn her mouth slightly open. “I - I don’t know what I want to do with it - I mean the child yet…” she began swallowing back another lump. “Was it really that bad? I don’t know if I’ll be a good mother if I keep it. I have no to show me. My mom’s gone and my dad’s barely around. I can’t do this by myself,” the water works were out from her eyes before she could stop them. However by this point, Peyton wasn’t about to try and stop them.
Quinn nodded again and sighed. “Yeah, it honestly was that bad. At first, you keep on telling yourself that is better for her but then something happens and you realize that you completely lost it,” she said and stopped for a while. Peyton had lost her mother a few years ago, didn’t she? It was a really tough situation for her. But she really wanted to help her with these. With everything. “Look, I… I honestly wish you were not in this situation. But right now, we need to see what we can do. Deciding to keep it or not is already going to be a dilemma. But that’s too early to think about this. You don’t even have a baby bump, yet,” she said, looking down at Peyton’s stomach.
She leaned forward and wiped Peyton’s tears and smiled softly up at her. “That was what I was afraid of too. My… parents were not really there for me when I told them about my pregnancy and I had no one to teach me how to raise a baby. I think the hardest part is going to be telling to Jessie but after his reaction, you may feel relieved. He may be shocked but he’ll get over it, probably. About being a mother, I think I’m pretty experienced about that. You know, five kids,” she said with a light chuckle. “If you decide to keep the baby, I will do everything I can to help you with it. When Will was born, I had hard time getting used to all the diapers and all but once you get used to it, it all seems so easy. If you ever decide to keep it, I will try my best and help you with being the best mother you can be for your daughter or son.”
If Peyton was truly honest, it’s not that she didn’t want the abortion it was simply that she couldn’t go through with it. The though of killing what was already inside her, not only seemed like the easy way out but it seemed as though it would spit on her mother’s grave. As if telling the woman ‘your death had no effect on me’. When in reality Peyton couldn’t go an entire day without thinking of her mother, without missing her, needing her and still hoping that she was here to help her through everything. Specially to help her through what was happening to her right now. Though she highly doubted her mother had any clue what it felt like to be sixteen and pregnant, to have a mother figure must have been comforting.
In a way, that was another reason Peyton went to Quinn. While never having talked to the woman in a conversation that wasn’t the hello’s, Quinn was both a mother and a mother at sixteen. There was truly no better person to confide in. She tried to listen to her words as she spoke them, how Damen wouldn’t hate her but Peyton couldn’t process them. She was so sure that he would. That he would listen and just never want to see her again, claim that it wasn’t his. Peyton couldn’t live with herself if he did that. Peyton nodded knowing that Quinn was right, though she didn’t want her to be. “He has to know… doesn’t he?” the question was more to herself than to Quinn as Peyton simply sighed afterwards. “Um… I wanted - I wanted to know if you regretted giving up Beth for adoption?” the question was out before she could stop herself and it seemed that was all that was happening to her lately. She had so many questions. Some about her pregnancy, like when would morning sickness be over? Or would be truly start showing before the first trimester ended? So many questions she wanted answered… but they didn’t mattered. Peyton wanted to know about Quinn’s pregnancy and how she dealt with it, and her feelings. The ones Peyton could possibly be mirroring very soon.
Quinn stared at the ground for a while as she felt hazel eyes were filling with tears and nodded. ”That was the biggest mistake I’ve ever done. And Puck wanted to help me with raising her too. He would… be there for me and our daughter if I haven’t pushed him away for the millionth time. There’s not a single moment I do not miss her, Peyton. You know, when it grabs your finger for the first time, you understand it. You thank God for deciding not to have an abortion and you just wish that little piece of you and the person you love to be healthy and happy. Like I’ve said, we first need to know what Damen thinks. His reaction may change everything. I know it seems like a tough thing to do right now but after you say that to him, no matter what his reaction will be, you’ll feel sort of relieved. Because you are not alone in this. The baby is both yours and Damen’s. And if he really is the right guy for you, Damen is going to be there. To help you and the baby.”
She wiped a tear quickly and bit her lower lip softly. “Back to the whole adoption stuff, I know giving the baby up for adoption seems like the right thing to do right now. Easiest way to get through these. And after I gave Beth to Shelby, I felt sort of relieved. For a few days, I convinced myself Shelby’s taking good care of her. That Shelby can be a better mother than me. But you know, after a few months, a year maybe, I understood that I lost her completely. That I can’t have her back even if I want to. And I tried to get my daughter back, actually. Because the pain of missing her was literally killing me. Yes, Puck told me that he wants to keep her and I said no, it was my fault completely. But still, I could not stop thinking about her. When I was trying to get her back, one thing hurted me the most. People kept on telling me that I’m not her mother. Biologically, yes. But I held her like, twice or something. So yeah, the biggest mistake I’ve ever done was giving Beth away. And even though Beth is a 29-year-old right now, I still regret it so much.”
Sam looked over at Quinn as he had returned to his comic books. “Comic books are my life. Other than the kids, of course.” He smiled as Quinn commented on his eating habits. “Oh come on you know I work out every day. Twice a day if I just leave James working the store by himself. I could probably just let him run the store a whole week and he’d probably do my taxes for fun.” Sam chuckled. “As for Dylan, he doesn’t really put the weight on, does he? It’s like he’s a superhero.” Sam smiled. “I’m not sure if he told you, but he and Scarlette are dating now. It’s official and everything.” Sam looked around, seeing someone with a camera and frowning. “You really don’t get a day to yourself, do you?”
As Sam waited for Quinn’s answer, he noticed a few people staring their way. He tried to hide his face a little, not wanting to be photographed. “I’ll bet my comic book store that the tabloids are going to say you’re cheating on Finn with some blonde guy. If they call me Bieber I might actually give them props for that.” Sam drank his orange juice, wishing they could just have a nice day without paparazzi hanging on their every step.
Quinn nodded. “Of course you do work out and all but I’ve never seen you putting weight on since like, high school, I guess. And yeah, Dylan never puts weight on which is super irritating. He eats all the food we have and he’s still always in shape! I don’t know where he gets that from, honestly.” She smiled a bit as Sam mentioned about Scarlette and Dylan dating. “I know about that. Scarlette is pretty cool and Dylan is… Dylan. So I think they might be able to work things out.” She first couldn’t understand the frown on Sam’s face but when she looked around, she saw a man with a camera. She turned back to Sam, biting her lip. “I’m sorry about that, I know it’s not cool,” Quinn said, inhaling deeply. “Don’t worry though, after getting a few shots, he’ll go away.”
She chuckled and nodded. “I won’t let them call you Bieber, Sam. I don’t care what they say, sane people do not believe what those people say. And cheating on Finn with a blonde guy? Some people thought that I was cheating on Finn with Will!” Quinn rolled her eyes and let a soft sigh out. “I know that’s honestly annoying but just ignore it, okay? I promise the man with the camera will be disappeared in a few. We’ll have Ken&Barbie time and nobody can prevent this. I will break the man’s camera if I have to.”
Sam smiled, walking in after Quinn. He steered her to a booth, taking one side and stretching. He let out a small yawn. “I’m starving but I need a nap too. Except drinking when you’re tired makes it so much more fun.” Sam shook his head. “I hope that didn’t make me sound like an alcoholic. That would be a really sad life to live. Just spending your money on nothing but booze and not even on food? Travesty!” Sam spotted a newspaper lying around on an empty table. He grabbed it, immediately taking the Comics section and opening it up flat on the table as he started to read. Even though Sam was older, his love for comics had obviously never died out, and apparently neither did the newspaper.
Sam read the comics one by one, laughing at random times and looking confused on others. He heard the waitress approaching and realized that he hadn’t even picked up the menu. He grabbed it quickly, rummaging through it and choosing some food items. He looked up at the waitress, smiling. “Hi! Can I get an order of biscuits with sausage and gravy, eggs, bacon, ham, hash browns, a short stack of pancakes, and a large OJ. Oh and extra bacon thanks” He turned to Quinn, waiting for her to order.
Quinn chuckled lightly and nodded. “Honestly? It made you sound like an alcoholic. Though, I’m the one who wanted drinks at eight o’clock so I guess I’m the last person to judge. I’m not sure that lifestyle being too bad, though. You know, no responsibilities and stuff. You just focus on saving the day and nothing else. It must be fun, right?” She saw Sam’s expression when he spotted a newspaper and chuckled again, shaking her head. “Comics make you happy, don’t they? That was a stupid question, considering you own a comic books store but anyways.”
She sat there and watched Sam’s expressions while he was reading the comics and enjoyed every single moment of it. If only he could see the look on his face, she thought. After a while, Quinn started looking at the menu, trying to decide what to eat. But as Sam started ordering, she raised her eyebrows and listened him carefully and started laughing again. After a while, she licked her lips and turned to the waiter. “I’ll just get omelette and bacons, Sam already ordered the whole menu so…” She turned to Sam after a while, rolling her eyes with a soft smile on her face. “You and Dylan are the only guys I’ve seen eating this much and not putting weight on.”
As Peyton heard the story of Beth once more, this time from the woman who had bore her it was different. What she heard before was sippets and dibbets and sometimes lies to cover things up. Other kids made things up and if she was honest she was truly confused on what was true and what wasn’t. However Quinn laid it all on the line, her relationship with Finn and having a baby with Puck, everything. It was all quite, the word was not surprising but something close. Peyton looked down at the word kill, unable to grasp it too well. The thought of abortion might had passed by if her mother had been there to help her through that.
The next part of Quinn’s speech was what Peyton was dreading the most. The part about the father. She couldn’t help but think back to stories of high school Puck, the nipple piercing, the nearly failing, all the stories that the kids knew. The dirt on the parents but through all that Puck had wanted to be a good father… well Damen was none of that. He cared about his music before anything else, his grades were well and Peyton was sure he loved her but would he still love her after she told him? Peyton shook her head. “I - I uh could never do that, Mrs. Hudson, not after what happened to my mom,” the accident was still brand new in Peyton mind as if it had happened yesterday not three years ago. “He doesn’t know… he’d hate me, I’d ruin his life… I’m positive he’ll hate me,” Peyton repeated her eyes wheeling up with tears. She didn’t want this, she wanted it to all go away.
Quinn nodded at Peyton’s words, slightly relieved. A girl at that age, having an abortion was making her feel uncomfortable more than anything. So she took another deep breath and started talking again. “I’m so glad you don’t want an abortion because like I’ve mentioned before, I don’t think it’s the right thing to do.” She stopped for a while before continuing. “No. He won’t hate you. I know what makes you think that, like it’s your fault. No, it’s not. Believe me. I used to consider that as a mistake as well but after a while, you start to realize that a part of you and the person you love is not a mistake. But right now, we need to think the next step.”
She sighed softly, looking right at Peyton’s eyes. “The first thing you need to understand is that I’m here to help. About anything. I want to help you. Because I know how much you need someone to direct you right now. Everybody says ‘It’s your body, I can’t push you to do anything’, but that was exactly what I needed back then. Someone to tell me what to do and if I follow that person’s step, everything would go back to normal. That didn’t happen with me. Though, I will try my best to help. Because after all I’ve been through, I learned something very well. It’s not easy talking about this stuff with adults. So consider me as a friend, okay? Please. Not as your friend’s parent or an adult. Just think that I’m a friend who has been through the same stuff a while ago.” Quinn smiled up at her. “I would never judge you. I know that doesn’t seem like it right now but everything is gonna be fine. So… considering that you don’t want an abortion, I honestly think you should tell Damen soon or later. But you need to know that it may not be so easy at first. You need to talk to him all alone and when you feel like you’re ready to tell him. I can’t ask you to head right to Damen’s and tell him that you’re pregnant with his baby. You honestly may need some time.”
Sam laughed as he noted that they were in similar situations. He drove along as the morning sun began to shine a little brighter. It illuminated the car and really made Quinn and Sam look younger, which made Sam think of the times when they were in high school and would spend the entire day together doing fun things. Whether it was a date or just as friends, Sam always managed to have fun with Quinn. “They were going to go shopping together, you know. That credit card would have been maxed out in an hour.” He laughed, feeling his stomach rumble. “Breakfast first, shopping later, then drinking.” Sam turned to Quinn and smiled, returning his gaze to the windshield and heading for a little diner that was nearby.
Sam pulled into the parking lot a few minutes later. He climbed out of the car, stepping out and straightening his hair and clothes. Even though be probably knew the people inside just from living in Lima, Sam liked to be presentable at all times. It was just the way be grew up, and old habits die hard. Sam walked over, opening Quinn’s door for her. “After you, Barbie.” Sam even went so far as to bow, knowing it would look funny to anyone who passed by. But that was Sam for you, doing funny and randoms acts for a laugh. He then walked over to grab the door, bowing again and flashing Quinn a smile, hoping she was getting a kick out of his dorkiness.
Quinn nodded and smiled softly up at him. “I will do anything you say today, Sam. I promise. Oh and about the credit card stuff, Poppy can do that all by herself too,” she said. That was something new for her, probably. Because no matter how much she tries to convince herself to the opposite, she was usually the one who thinks a lot before moving. She let a soft sigh out as a wide smile appeared on her face. She and Sam at his car was making her feel sort of… happy. The most important reason was probably both Sam and Quinn enjoyed having time together and how they could talk about anything.
She frowned a bit at her reflection again but when she saw Sam was getting out of the car, she started undoing her belt and she was just about to open her door when Sam did that for her. Quinn couldn’t help herself but started laughing as Sam bowed, shaking her head. She got out of the car, still smiling. “You know that you’re the sweetest dork I’ve ever seen, don’t you?” she said and turned to him. As they started walking together, Quinn chuckled lightly. “I honestly think you never changed since high school. You were such a gentleman back then too,” Quinn said, remembering the good old times back in high school. Everyone knew that Sam was always at his best to ladies. Even after he and Quinn… broke up.
Peyton nodded at Quinn’s words. She wondered how it must have felt like being pregnant back in 09. At least now it was less of a shock to a sixteen year old that got pregnant but it was still un welcomed. Peyton wasn’t the one to do this though. She had the perfect boyfriend, she was a Cheerio and her father was finally coming around, some what of course. With everything in her life going great this just had to go and ruin it. She didn’t want the baby, she wanted it gone…. but she couldn’t kill it. She couldn’t do that, not after her mother’s death only three years prior.
“It’s just…. the thing is,” Peyton tried to form the right words. She could tell Quinn that her friend had fallen pregnant but then Quinn might have asked for a name and Peyton wasn’t exactly good at sneaking around. Finally the two words left her mouth and Quinn did something, before even speaking that surprised Peyton. The friends who knew had just stood there in shock before actually registering everything and asking questions so fast Peyton had no idea what to do. She simply swallowed the lump in her throat when Quinn pulled away, her eyes stinging with tears. Peyton nodded at her boyfriend’s name. “It’s his, yeah.” she agreed softly. “I just… I wanted to know how you dealt with Beth before I do anything major,” there, the true reason why Peyton had come knocking to the Hudson house. Spilled.
Quinn stopped for a short while, thinking. The first time she figured out she was pregnant, she had no idea what to do with it and honestly, she was more than confused about what to do with it. Back then, she could not just tell her parents. Yes, it was partly because her mom and dad raised her as the true definition of perfection. Well, they tried to raise her like that. She looked up at Peyton’s eyes again and bit her lip slowly, wiping her tears before she started speaking.
“You… shouldn’t do anything major yet, honey. How I dealt with Beth? Look, our situations are both similar and really different. I was not pregnant with my boyfriend’s baby. You must have heard it, I was dating with Finn and I was pregnant with Puck’s baby. His best friend. I… did a definetely wrong thing and told Finn that the baby was his because I knew if he found out, he’d dump me. Anyways, my point is, I was not really successful with dealing with Beth at first. Though, I… I never thought about abortion, honestly. I think it was because… killing a baby, your own baby did not seem right to me. It still doesn’t, by the way.” Quinn stopped again and licked her lips, taking a deep breath. “The father of the baby’s reaction is extremely important too, though. If I had another chance, I wouldn’t try to push Puck away every single time he tried to help me. He always tried his best to be a good dad to our baby. Do you think about having an abortion? And umm… does Damen know?”
Peyton swallowed all the pride she had left as she walked into the Hudson residence. She had been here before, mainly to see Dylan and eat his food with him. The two kids were close but never close enough that Peyton needed to talk to his mom. But this wasn’t about Dylan, this was about Peyton and Peyton’s sanity. She needed someone other than teenagers giving her advice. All they would say was, it’s on you and tell Damen. Well she still hadn’t told him and wasn’t exactly planning to any time soon.
“We don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to,” Peyton’s words were coming out rushed. She felt light headed and more nervous than when she had tried out to be a Cheerio her freshman year. Quinn knew all about that though, she knew what it felt like to have a kid in high school and have no idea what to do with it. Peyton didn’t wanna disappoint anyone but she felt as though that was all she was doing. She looked down at the floor before she spoke, her voice rusty and low. “I’m pregnant,” the words felt like poison in her mouth.
Quinn cleared her throat and closed the door after Peyton walked in. She had no idea why the girl could be here to talk about Beth. Actually, Quinn was clueless about why Peyton was here to talk to her. Though, the brunette seemed sort of upset and it was getting her more curious. Peyton obviously had sort of a problem and she’d do anything she could do to help. The problem was, why all these were about Beth?
She quickly shook her head and smiled a bit. “Beth is still a sensetive subject for me but I will be able to talk about this if you really want me to,” she said, looking right up at Peyton’s eyes. That was true. Quinn was still not really over the whole Beth subject and deep down yeah, it was still hurting her even to think about the daughter she never could be there for. The blonde woman sighed a bit, biting her lip softly. But as Peyton started talking again, Quinn’s eyes widened and she raised her eyebrows automatically. “I…” She remembered how she felt when she first found it out and decided to do the thing she always wished somebody has done to her. Quinn slowly moved closer to Peyton and gave her a hug. She could understand how hard this situation could be and how much she needed someone to tell her what to do. After a few seconds, she pulled herself back and looked at the girl. “Damen, right? Your boyfriend’s name is Damen? It’s his, isn’t it?”
Three people knew. Three people knew the biggest secret that Peyton could had ever held in her entire life. Her brother who she trusted more than anything and two of her best friends. Jackie, who own life had been into such a mess that Peyton wasn’t exactly sure what had been going and Dylan, who lived in the house Peyton was currently staring at. She had made a promise to herself. She was nearing two months into her pregnancy and all the things she had read said she could start showing by the end of her first trimester. That was only a month away. A month before she got a bump in her perfectly flat stomach and people would know. People would know what was wrong, why she had been dizzy. Why sometimes she stayed home with the flu. Why she was avoiding her boyfriend. They would all know. And Peyton wasn’t sure if she was ready for everyone to know.
She knocked twice on the door and watched as a few moments later the person she needed advice from opened it, a kind smile on her face. Peyton’s stomach flipped. “I don’t need Dylan,” Peyton spoke before the mother of her close friend could even say hello. “I mean - I mean hello,” she stuttered out as her gaze hit the floor. Peyton quickly swallowed all the fear she had, which surprising herself was a lot more than she could imagine. “I - I actually wanted to talk to you… Mrs. Hudson,” she looked around before she uttered the next words, dropping her voice to a whisper. “About Beth.”
Quinn was sitting on the living room, pretending like she’s paying attention to the book she’s been reading for a few hours. Dylan, Will, Taylor, Poppy, Josh and Finn. They all were not home. And Quinn really needed that time on her own. Finally in a quiet house. For a while, at least. She put the book aside and sighed softly, staring at the ceiling. So… That was the time she thought she needed, right? Time on her own. Nobody could interrupt her right now or anything. But the truth was, there were not many things she should think about. Her mind was absolutely empty.
As she heard the knock on the door, Quinn quickly stood up and started walking towards the door. As she saw Peyton was standing right in front of her, she smiled softly up at her. She was actually getting ready to say kids were not home but Peyton was faster. Quinn said “Hello, Peyton,” with a soft smile on her face and raised an eyebrow. “To talk to me? That’s getting interested now,” she said, chuckling lightly. And as Peyton mentioned one name, Quinn looked up at the girl’s face very carefully. She bit her lip and stepped aside. “Come in, Peyton.”
